He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
