Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
