I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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