I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
