its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
