I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
