I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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