i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
