I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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