totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize