I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can text with my tongue
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
