I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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