margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think i got beer on your cat.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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