aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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