Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
