If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
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i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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