Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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