So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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