i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
