i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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