Barsexuality is the new black.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
