awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
