My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dicks are not precious.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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