So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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