Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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