Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
