I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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