What a fucking waste of an outfit
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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