I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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