as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
