Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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