Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
