omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my liver is dry heaving
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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