It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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