Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
