So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
