Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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