u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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