After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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