I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
