Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
