Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
