i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
