I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
