you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
