I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
