Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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