I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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