How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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