nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
