Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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