Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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