Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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