wake up i wanna do it froggy style
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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