I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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