idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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