dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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