He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
