If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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