on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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