My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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