Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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