So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
