Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think we might need a safe word for this...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
