At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
