we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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