party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
