I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
