No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
