I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
