i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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