Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the day after is always just damage control
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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