I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Two words: blizzard sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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