I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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