Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
